Risk Taker

It would be so much more convenient if human beings were built with a sort of thermometer that gauged when they have really had ‘enough’. Tolerance varies from person to person and one can only tell that they have had enough when their cup has overflowed, spilled, and broken on the floor. Lately I am that broken glass on the ground that no one has picked up because they are afraid to cut themselves.

When you are a child and you are asked “What do you want to be when you grow up?” did you ever have an answer? Blindly you might answer that you wanted to be an Astronaut, a Doctor or a Fireman—but that was before you knew the real risk involved. Before you realized what it truly meant to hold your life or someone else’s life in your hands. Does anyone ever truly grow up to be what they dreamed they would be? I wanted to ride horses and eat ice cream with my best friend Jenna in Colorado where her Grandma lived. Where is that dream now?I am in my 20’s and living in Huntington Beach, CA. I work at a Travel Agency with all of these exotic places to sell that I really never get to visit. I am almost completely lactose intolerant and I haven’t ridden a horse in 8 years. Not to mention that I have only stepped foot in Colorado once in my life when I was on tour with Odd Project, and we were in Denver for one night.

Where do those dreams go? I still remember having that dream as a child, and I did nothing to really attain that goal.Realistically, I could think of a thousand examples where I fell short of my goals. I am the Mistress of all things Incomplete. For me, everything this always halfway written, halfway done, or nearly finished. The only things I have ever had the tenacity to finish were: orgasms and alcohol. Instead of mastering one instrument and moving on, I play several and none particularly well. Rather than staying in school and attempting to better myself, I gave up for a fear of failure. It’s ironic isn’t it? My greatest fear is to be a failure but I fail at almost everything I attempt because I never finish it.

The only thing that I have ever had the will to sustain is true love. And at the end of it all, it is not always easy—but it is always worth it.